


And I Will Stay Up Through The Night

by Insomnia_Productions



Series: The Rat Revolution (Mat/Rand Drabbles) [7]
Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Book 05: The Fires of Heaven, I don't usually write sad things but here we are, Implied/Referenced Sex, Light Angst, M/M, Rand likes to think he's "harder than cuendillar" but we know better, This is very different to my usual content so uhhh bear with me here, book 5 is way sadder than I remembered and I am here for it, meanwhile Mat continues to be a Whole Mess, short and sad, so what's new
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-19
Updated: 2019-09-19
Packaged: 2020-10-24 05:27:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 747
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20700680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomnia_Productions/pseuds/Insomnia_Productions
Summary: He thinks, in another time or another life, he could have loved Mat back.





	And I Will Stay Up Through The Night

“You can’t keep running from this.”

“Watch me,” Mat growls, and Rand does. 

Mat is pacing the room, up and down, wearing out the carpet. Good, that. The thing is a darker red than Rand has ever seen; without the marks from Mat’s old boots, it could almost look like blood pooling across the bedroom floor. Rand shakes off the thought. He has been sitting at the table with his head propped on his hand for nearly an hour now, and Mat is yet to see reason. He was always remarkably stubborn. But Rand doesn’t have time for this. The world doesn’t have time for this. Heaving a sigh, he stands up, cutting Mat off in the midst of his grumbling. 

“Listen, you can’t escape the Wheel. The only way to have any control over your life is to submit to the Pattern and start from there.” 

“I don’t care. I don’t. I will not fight another battle, burn you! I want no part in it. I’ll—”

“Leave?” Rand interrupts. He rakes a hand down his face, suddenly feeling the weight of a long day. Long days, really, bleeding into long weeks, long months, long… “You’ve been telling me you’re leaving for a year now, Mat, and yet you never do.” 

“I—”

“When,” Rand continues over him, “When will you stop fighting it? When will you accept your role in this? I don’t _ want _ to trap you here, Mat, truly, I don’t, but you can’t escape what is written. The Pattern—”

Frustration washes over Mat’s face and he blurts out, “It’s not the bloody Pattern!” He stops in his pacing, standing very still. A deep frown makes furrows across his forehead. “Well—yes, it is the Pattern—but it’s not just that, it’s—it’s also you.”

Rand blinks. “Yes,” he says slowly. “I’m _ ta’veren. _ You’re _ ta’veren. _We pull each other—”

“No!” Mat throws up his hands and resumes pacing, making deep footprints in the carpet with every stomp. “It’s not—I don’t mean—if you could stop thinking about the bloody Pattern for one bloody minute I could—I mean—Light!” He stamps his foot down hard, just beyond the edge of the carpet, the sound of the leather boot on stone echoing through the room. 

Rand eyes him warily. The journey to Tear needs to begin tomorrow morning, and his general seems to be unraveling before his eyes. Before he can say anything, Mat marches up to him until they are toe to toe, barely a breath apart. 

“It’s not just the Pattern,” Mat says quietly. “I stay because I love you.” 

The words ring in Rand’s head like stones bouncing down the walls of some great well. In the back of his mind, he thinks he can hear familiar laughter. He doesn’t know what the right response is. He doesn’t know what response he wants to give. 

Mat studies him for a moment, eyes guarded and flitting all over his face, and then he rises up on his toes and presses his lips to Rand’s. Rand lets him. He thinks, in another time or another life, he could have loved Mat back. 

In this life, however, he must be harder than stone. Sometimes Rand wonders if he is able to love anyone at all. If he could, perhaps it would be Mat. He wouldn’t mind that. 

Rand pulls his thoughts from what could be and focuses on what is. On what must be done. 

He guides Mat backwards, towards the bed, breaking the kiss only for a moment to lift his childhood friend by the waist and lay him gently onto the crimson sheets. Mat makes no protest as Rand presses him into the mattress. His hands come to grip Rand’s hips, sharp breaths interwoven with soft sounds of pleasure. 

Rand thinks, _ He will go to Tear for me, _ and hates himself for the thought. 

_ Harder than stone. _

He wishes he could love Mat back. 

_ Harder than cuendillar. _

Instead, he will use Mat to win a war. 

_ Harder. _

The Last Battle is coming.

  
.

.

(Later, pale moonlight will filter through the thin spaces between red curtains trimmed in gold. Rand will wake first, Mat shortly after. They will look at each other. Mat will tell Rand that he will lead Rand’s army to Tear. 

He will say, with eyes dark and solemn, that he will never be used like this again. 

Rand will assure him he won’t be. 

They will both know that they are lying.)

  


**Author's Note:**

> and that, kids, is why I don't write actual smut. god can you imagine
> 
> //
> 
> So, this is pretty different from my usual content! I'm more for fluff/humor stuff, or soft poetic pieces. This is... a whole other thing. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about it, to be honest, but I figured I might as well try posting something different. 
> 
> The title came from Sia's Elastic Heart, by the way. 
> 
> This work is the fifth installment in my plan to write one Rat drabble for each WoT book, and I think the seventh installment in my Rat Revolution series, so check those out if you liked this one! They're all much better than this one, I promise. And, hey, if you liked this, maybe leave a comment!
> 
> Also, if you're ever in the mood to chat about Rat or WoT, come chat with me on Tumblr @insomnia-productions! I've been making lots of new friends in the WoT community and I'm always happy to make more :)


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